Kizyr wrote:
Lishy wrote:The setting? Thousands of years after Eternal Blue... Taking place not on the Silver Star... But the BLACK Star!
Ok, the initial general story you had was really, truly going somewhere. Everything after this point though absolutely ruins the idea, however... I can boil it down to one thing to keep it simple:
Obviously this has many parallels to the real world, with Jeuscholtz being Israel, Alkeneah being America, Cifca being Africa (though Cifcans are more a reference to Muslims and Arabs).
Forcing parallels to the real world ruins the story. It comes across as incredibly transparent, shallow, and unimaginative -- you spend all the time trying to replace real-world names/places with fictional world ones and you lose all of the depth in the middle (not to mention it completely ruins the fantasy environment while you're at it). Sonic# might be able to offer more guidance on
why this never works (he's more of a literary expert). But the basic reason is that rather than trying to "build" a world, you just take some news headlines and replace all the proper nouns. Readers will notice, it'll be very obvious and predictable, it leaves no room for creativity or original execution -- and that's not the sort of reaction you want from an audience.
Lishy wrote:In one religion, god is Deus, and the devil is Iblis. But in the desert regions of Cifca with a religion inspired by Islam, the one god of the world they speak of is Zophar and the taboo angel whom refused to bow to god was named Althena!
...I'm also not sure how I feel about the implication that I'm worshiping the God of Darkness... KF
I updated my post by the way.
Also, just read the manifesto when I post it. I've been working on it ever since I've heard of this project!
You said making parallels to the real world causes a story to lose its depth due to the lack of fantasy. However, I think you have the wrong idea. You achieve even more fantasy by bending the real world!
If my ideas are flowing so freely writing what I'm writing, isn't that the essence of fantasy? I want to interpret things we see every day in a very different way.
It's not a story about mimicking the real world, but instead it's about the war between Zophar and Althena, from the perspective of a civilization who believe Zophar to be their creator god and deity, much like Althena is on the Silver Star, and who mainly call Zophar "Deus", while Althena is Iblis. However, thousands of years ago, all contact with Zophar and his prophets suddenly stopped one day. Realizing that, governments compete through proxies to dominate the holy land of Jeuscholtz for the day the son of Deus - Nyx, will someday return, and bless humanity with the magic of the ancients. (Magic still exists, but it's different than Lunar 1 and 2. Here it's more weaponized, and manufactured, hence Seals from Lunar 2 play a MUCH bigger role!)
Of course, that is all in perception of humans. The real Nyx is a girl named Leena (With Blue Hair, resembling Luna and Luccia), who herself had been victimized by all these events and government struggles to seize the holy land. She is the -Contact- able to speak with the "Smokeless Fire" in the sky known as Djinns (in real life, people call them UFOs!) who are said to live in another world similar to hers. They are entities who are also children of Zophar (But do not have Zophar's ego either. They're more like fairies.)
However (PLEASE correct me if I am wrong in Lunar lore here), despite biblical misrepresentations, Zophar - parent of Nyx, his true motive for attacking the Silver and Blue Stars were because Althena represented what he saw as an evil entity responsible for the suffering of humans.
What I have currently written is that the origins of Zophar is that he is a failed, and rejected entity created through the gathering of energy before the Big Bang by alchemy ,from an alien planet, and thrown into space like garbage; A failed experiment of trash. However, as he grew, and his powers multiplied, he began to become lonely, and he wanted to rejoin his creators now that he was all grown. He began to search the universe for life most similar to the DNA that created him, and that was when he found the Black Star.
Unfortunately, by the time he found the Black Star, humanity had died, and civilization extinct. Feeling lonely, he began to resurrect the humans, in which he was treated as a god by them, worshiped even as their creator! (Though he was not.)
As civilization progressed however, society became too dependent on Zophar, and his most trusted angel - Althena, wished him to stop. Taking her advice, Zophar began to leave the humans, but they warred, and fought, and killed each other, all in the name of Zophar!
However, even as he defied Althena's advice, humans still fought, and eventually began to descent into all out war. Trying to take responsibility, Althena was angry, and tried to block Zophar's influence. Unable to tolerate her actions, Zophar banished Althena to the Blue Star in order to start her own world.
However, as human civilization began to war, and crusaders killed many people throughout the world, Zophar realized he was unable to manage all of humanity. He wondered what it is what a human was like, and there for, he had a daughter of his own - Nyx. However, as Nyx tried to preach to the humans, she was killed...
After all he had done for humanity, Zophar became furious that those he loved killed that of his own flesh and blood. Looking upon the Blue Star, humans were not doing any better.
After her death, the will of Nyx had an idea. Why not just destroy it all and return to the void? This three dimension of ours is a dimension of "have" and "have not". Why not just return it all to where it began? The before the big bang; The nothingness; The place without time or space, or love, or hate; Where all is equal; The void.
Surely, in a place without love and hate, there would be no regret for the suffering he caused?
But Althena stood in the way. Her powers were to create and replace. But Zophar wished to destroy... If she and her offspring are not destroyed, they fear they will someday invade the Black Star and thwart efforts to return to the void...
Surely, if Zophar went to stop Althena, could that bide Nyx enough time to gather enough power to restore it to the void?
Theoretically, it may be possible to reverse the Big Bang for the Black Star.. But they require the distortions it left behind. The "Ether". Objects capable of manipulating the fourth dimension to affect the third dimension... Zophar and Nyx are remnants of the "nothingness" from the Big Bang, trapped in the physical third dimension. If they can gather enough Ether, they may be able to someday return..
The Five Princes of the Black Star were also created in order to aid Zophar by creating the proper circumstances to invade the Blue Star, and later the Silver Star.
However, after Zophar's defeat... They had their own agenda about what to do after his disgraceful defeat by a human. Why return to the void? Returning to the void will destroy the Dark Princes.. With Zophar slain, it was time to return to the Black Star, and carry out their own agenda.. And use Ether to destroy the sinners instead, while they rule over the world as god...
While it is true the civilization is inspired by the situation in real life, the word is merely inspired. On the issue of Islamic and Christianity references, all it really means are a group of people who both believe in the same god, but have completely different views and practices of worship. If I were to just outright call Deus as Zophar instead, and Iblis as Althena, that wouldn't delay the news, and make it fun, would it? ;p
I believe what truly matters are the experience the characters go through, and the scenarios which take place. For the actual world design itself, I want to see what a modern society with magic would be like.
For example: As opposed to planes, people would use zeppelins. Meanwhile, electricity is a product of W-Energy, whereas energy is extracted from White-elemental concentrations. Typical methods of extracting electricity from White elemental energy involve Wind Turbines, but it is also possible to extract the W-energy through various other methods. White Magic is essentially Wind and Thunder in my interpretation (Though please correct me, because Lunar elements are confusing. Is white actually Snow/Wind, while Black is Earth/Thund, cuz' it'd be weird for Water not to use Ice, and Fire to be just.. Fire)
And while guns are certainly prevalent as deadly weapons, "HP" (Health Phenomena), "MP" (Magic Phenomena) and the like aren't just game mechanics, but they also act as the body's ability to defend against the force of magic and physical based blows and harm by focusing it into an ether-based object. In other words, without special armor or weaponry, one with even the most combat experience is unable to defend against the lightest of foes. This allows the story to make sense of why a sword is just as powerful as a gun in a story resembling modern society, and also establishes how humans themselves are limited.
While I want the decoy antagonists (Because the true antagonist IS the heroine) to be very much like the Gazel Ministry from Xenogears. Some creepy fusion of computers and religion on a screen, inside some gravitational orb with other things orbiting around it.
I would describe monsters as creatures themselves who are mutated from the ether, and live in the wild. They are prevalent between country borders (Overworld), but it's still the typical run of the mill RPG stuff. So the "machine meets magic" modern world I describe does not conflict with Blobs being the first foe you see. So the Nipple Yanker could still make an appearance in a Black Dragon Cave!
Speaking of which, I did mention I would like a Black Dragon to be the "mascot Nall-like" character of this story. Except not "the" Black Dragon, but instead "a" Black Dragon. This is not the Silver Star, but instead it is the Black Star. It is the shadow of what Zophar left behind before he was slain. There is no "Dragonmaster". Instead, the dragons function as if they were emotionless machines, guarding Ancient Technology left behind by Zophar and his "angels" during Ancient Times. However, the four dragons are not known on the surface world, and they live within the most hidden chambers of the Black Star. Some rumors say the machines are what Zophar's army used to cross space to the Blue Star! However, domesticated dragons (rare on the surface world) who do not guard the machines, lose their mind as they grow. While as a child they are capable of intelligent thought and speech just like a human, as they become adults, their memory deceases, and bloodlust overtakes their minds. In order to keep a pet dragon, one must have a license. Even then, they must kill them before adulthood, or any event that which were to prompt their adult form. Many pet Dragons sold in pet stores are often fed poisons in order to stun their growth and limit their life-span before they are capable of harming another human being. The "Nall"-like partner of this story however, is NOT bought from a pet-shop, but is instead a child from the Black Dragon herself! There for, I can see some very interesting story possibilities!
(Also, this is VERY offtopic, but I do some minor 3d modelling if you think this is a good idea and you'd want ps1-level maps...)
If it isn't obvious so far, I have real inspiration and passion behind a story like this. I wanna put real effort into writing this, not like a simple fanfic shat out of my ass in only 5 minutes (Actually, is this even a fanfic since the setting and characters are 90% original, besides references to Zophar, Althena, and the Black Princes?)
Just read my manifesto when I finish! You might not like the idea of making it take place on the Black Star, but it allows us to be MORE imaginative because it allows us to see the Lunar world from a COMPLETELY different point of view, and write it all on a blank slate!
But ultimately, realize what I'm really setting up for, is a story a boy and a girl who love each other, who must fight each other to decide the fate of a broken world, only to ultimately leave it and selfishly seek their own happy ending by both joining the void together, without involving the rest of humanity.
While they both wish to save the world, and they are at odds how to do it, they both love each other more than the world, and it's not worth killing each other in the end. Rather, they immortalize their love together into the nothingness without time.
Although this takes a different perspective, this is still EXACTLY what Lunar is about in its roots! Isn't Lunar about a god who ends her burden because she loves a human? Why can't the daughter of Zophar also find love?
