101 Uses for Nash's Hair

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Ardekh
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101 Uses for Nash's Hair

Post by Ardekh »

I have no bloody idea where to put this, if anywhere at all, so I'm just putting it here. Er, feel free to move or delete according to your fancy. This is something me and my friend Keith started six or seven years ago, but I lost the list and had to start over and forgot a bunch of them. Then I brought it up at my own forum where Nash is a sort of mascot and my friends there made up a bunch of random uses.

Bear with it, the beginning ones aren't all that great, considering they were written when I was like, ten or eleven. It gets good, though.

Especially that first one...I think I'm going to need to re-write some of these.

Have fun?

1. Car Washer - Use Nash's hair for the best car washes! Just drive your car through and you'll be satisfied!

2. Wall - Need a place to hide in a hurry? Just drape down the hair wall and no one will EVER find you!

3. Club - Nothing beats people better than a hair-club! Whack someone - you might like the results!

4. Wig - Are you balding? Do you need some natural looking hair? Well, if you have a head, and you like that thing he does, your dreams have come true with the wig!

5. Rope - Use the hair rope in time of need! Fasten as a belt if you're really cheap!

6. Conditioner Tester - Hey all you merchandise testers! Running out of animals to test on? Use the hair and don't be worrying about protesters anymore!

7. Lightning Conductor - If wearing, may conduct lightning to your head! Might not always be a good thing.

8. Safe Car Crash - About to get thrown out of a car into a brick wall? Of course you are! With the hair, your head will be protected all the way! Fun to play with.

9. Pet Hair - So your evil parents' wont let you get a dog or a kitty cat? Well that doesn't matter. Everyone loves the pet hair! It does lots of stuff...and things!

10. Shape Shifter - Use but one strand of hair to make things of all different shapes! A lot less exiting and harder to make then the balloon animals!

11. Halloween Costume - Scare all your friends and family with this cheaper-but-more-expensive version of the wig. Not to be used on any other day but October 31st.

12. Tricky Can - Sometimes you open a can of beer nuts or beans and find that worms come out! Frightening as they might be, nothing scares anyone more than Nash's hair.

13. Back-scratcher - Use the hair in the form of a stick to scratch your back. May be ineffective or might give you a rash.

14. Knife - Well...if your lucky it might cut through water. It doesn't look real in any way.

15. Cliff Fall Stopper - If you have the special Afro from Nash's hair, you'll never plunge to your death from a cliff again! Unless you don't have the Hair!

16. Net - Self-explanatory. Doesn't work well under water.

17. PetPet - Give your Neopets the foof! BEWARE: Has a mind of its own.

18. Seat Cusion - Sit on it. It's nice and foofy, fluffly, ...bleh.

19. Sponge - May cause Rash.

20. Foof Silly Putty - Warning: do not feed to children.

21. Coffee filter - I can't think of a line to put here, but if I did it would be really funny.

22. Substitute for a meat substitute - Tired of veggie burgers, but don't want to harm any cows? Try this almost all the way equally delicious burger substitute! Perfect for those who don't mind a slightly stringy consistency.

23. Arm/facial hair - For the real ladies' man. Puberty just not coming fast enough for you to get a whisker while still in your teens? This product looks enough like your own natural hair to get any girl to swoon!

24. Washcloth - Regular terry-cloth washcloths just not absorbant or fluffy enough for you? Then try this wonder of...wonderment! It cleanses your face of all those nasty little impurities (though it may occasionally leave a few of its own) while its poofiness is so much kinder and gentler than scrubbing your face raw!

25. Drink insulator - Do you hate it when your drinks go lukewarm after sitting out for only a few minutes? Then try this amazing product! Guaranteed to keep your beverages hot or cold for hours. Warning: When left alone with consumable items for extended periods, it may simply ingest them itself.

26. Pagan Idol - Itching to forsake all that is good and holy and offer a blood sacrifice to a demon from the underworld, but just don't have a decent idol laying around? Well fear no more! You can cast your immortal spirit into the fiery pits of eternal torment whenever you like now that Nash's can be used as a Pagan Idol! 4 out of 5 soul eating Hell beasts say that Nash's hair is great for all black rights and can meet any of your savage, immoral needs!

27. Substitute teacher - Just sit this chair on a desk and let the class take care of itself. They'll learn about what they do in this public education system anyway.

28. Japanese Pop Star - Can't you just see Nash's Hair on the cover of magazines?

29. Guest On VH1's I Love The '70s - It'd beat sitcom actors and fat porn stars any day of the week. *shudders*

30. Flatulence De-Stinker - Hey, this is hair that can absorb ANY odor!

31. Irrigation Device - The very absorbant hair can expand to the size of a thousand suns.

32. Blanket - Comfy and warm! Be sure to keep it well fed, though.

33. Mind Teaser Puzzle - Just how DOES a clump of hair act of its own accord? Or consume people whole?

34. Younger Sibling - But...why?

35. Parachute - Plummeting through the air from the exploding remains of a 747 and all you managed to take with you is a foof? Well, you snatched just the thing! The foof's natural elasticity makes it able to stretch itself flat and BAM! You have the perfect thing for survival!

36. Garden Fertilizer - May cause mutation in otherwise normal plants. Do not inhale.

37. Fake Dog Poo - It's April Fool's Day and you need the perfect prank. Well, this is just the thing! Lay it in someone's path and watch them freak! Has realistic squashy and sticky qualities.

38. David Crosby impersonator - NOTE: must be a 300+ pound bunch of Nash's hair, 'cause David Crosby is a hefty fella.

39. Bottle Opener - **Kyle's Choice!** Tired of breaking your nails over those stupid beer bottle caps? Too *ahem* indisposed to even find the caps? Well, this is for you! Just place the foof on top of the bottle (if you can figure out where it is) and it'll do the rest! This works because the foof's hair-gel-like bodily oils dissolves the metal of the cap in seconds, but doesn't leave a scratch on the bottle itself.

40. Pan Scourer Thingies - Rough and scratchy. What better to clean and scour with than the foof? Doubles as a nighttime stuffed animal replacement.

41. Potholder - Nash's hair can be used to get those hot pans and pots out of the oven and still prevent your hands from being burned to a flaky crisp.

42. Fortune Teller - If you had some, you'd already know what this says!

43: Tiger Repelent - Well, you don't see any tigers around here, do you?

44: Foofsabre - The next best thing! Great for practicing. It is not advisable to attempt to create a real lightsabre out of it.

45: Hair-helicoptor - Hey, it works better than Inspector Gadget's.

46. Cerebral Massager - For when you just can't think of any more of these weirdo uses and need a little brain stimulation.

47. Imitation Spam - The other other other other nasty meat.

48. Error Proof Foof - Nash's head on the cover of all your pregnancy test boxes? What more could you want!?

49. Tote Bag - You know you've always to tote things in a foof!

50. Air Filter - Does not guarantee pureness of the air.

51. Imitation Fur Coat - It sheds a bit, and slowly ingests you a little, but if it's good enough, it's good enough!

52. Fire Blanket - Is your house bursting into flames all the time? Have those pesky kitchen fires got you down? This product can solve all of those problems and more! Just smother the combusting object(s) with this handy flattened-out foof and be amazed at how quickly the embers simply smolder away! Warning: May catch on fire itself if not properly treated beforehand. Singed hairs may cause gagging and choking in people who have a sense of smell. Not for use on fires covering an area exceeding three square feet or the neighbor's dog.

53. Luck Charm - Good or bad? Nobody knows!

54. Time-Travel Device - I don't know how it works, so you don't have to, either!

55. Soulcatcher - Trap the souls of those you know and love whenever you feel like it!

56. !?!?!?!?

57: Bringer of Enlightenment - Who needs mantras or lotuses or uncomfortable positions to sit in? Just contemplate the Foof and POOF! Instant nirvana!

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Angelalex242
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Post by Angelalex242 »

58:Surf Wave - Nash's hair in the form of water will provide endless waves to catch.
Don't blame me, Lucia promised me lots of snuggles and cuddles if I would be her PR guy.

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segaboy7
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Post by segaboy7 »

if you ask me his hair looks alot like conan O brian's especially in Lunar Legend. so one use could be used as conan o brian impersiasion.

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ilovemyguitar
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Post by ilovemyguitar »

Bwahahaha! Some of these are just priceless! I just wish I could think of some good ones.
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Ardekh
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Post by Ardekh »

XD My personal favorite might be "Pagan Idol". Most of the funniest ones were written by my friend Simon, not me. One I liked that I wrote was "Error Proof Foof".

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SSSFan
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Post by SSSFan »

59. fly catcher - just hang it somewhere in your house. all flies will be stucked in it. ... okay, so that one isn't funny...I'm just not good at these things :P

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