Any girls that have dated...i need to talk to someone

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Dying_Soul93
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Any girls that have dated...i need to talk to someone

Post by Dying_Soul93 »

I recently got DUMPED by my first bf ever, i feel like my whole world is falling apart, I'm losing my mind, i just need someone to talk to...I'm falling apart... :cry:
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Benevolent_Ghaleon
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Post by Benevolent_Ghaleon »

We meet people, love people, become accustomed to people, take advantage of what we're used to, lose people, meet people, love people....well, you get the idea now. That's just the cycle for the most of us.

The unfunny truth is that we can't keep the same level of appreciation for something we always have.

I'm not going for insensitivity, but blunt honesty.

Have you asked him for his perception of why the relationship ended?

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LuNaRtIc
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Post by LuNaRtIc »

I'm terribly sorry to hear it! :cry: Break-ups are never an easy thing. I've been dumped many times, so I know what you're going through. (In fact, I've ALWAYS been dumped in all my relationships. e_e Which is why I don't date anymore.) If you want to talk, feel free to send me a PM.
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Rimmie
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Post by Rimmie »

Due to the post title, I may not be exactly what you were looking for, but my heart goes out to you nonetheless.

Things can suck, yes, but the best I can think of is to at least learn something from any experience you have. It always makes me feel better somehow.

I suppose he just wasn't the one, and you might feel "not good enough" right now, but that's not true. I'm sure he was a wonderful young man, and it's nice to have someone special to spend time with; that's not an easy thing to lose.
You won't be alone forever, though, and since he's not the one for you, you can look forward to the one who is. It'll be a rough time, but you'll manage.
Last edited by Rimmie on Sat Jan 27, 2007 3:35 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Post by Agawa »

Well, it's always rough. There's probably not much anyone can do for you right now but listen and tell you things will getter better, but it is true. Sometimes we all just need reminders that we're loved.

If you ever need someone to talk to, my AIM is agawajean and my MSN is onlyyesterday. PMing is also an option. Hope you feel better soon.

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Blue_Sycro
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Post by Blue_Sycro »

Whenever I feel upset about something, like nothing's ever going to be ok again, I just try to imagine myself a year, or sometimes 5, 10 years from now and think that certainly the pain will go away.

Pretty much you have to just let things heal. There's no really instant cure (which sucks terribly yes), but pain goes away eventually.

I don't know if that makes you feel any better, but it's my 2 cents

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AbsoluteAlex
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Post by AbsoluteAlex »

Ive been through a lot of relationships in my time and been there for friends when things go south for them too, but i can say in every one of those cases, things get better, and life goes on. Like my friend, he broke up with his ex last year. Now, a year later, hes engaged, to a girl thats so much better for him. My only advice is to learn from this relationship and make the next one that much better. Things will get better in time, you'll see.
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Post by Kizyr »

(WARNING: spoiler for Childhood's End)
-173-

[Ruby and Hiro fly off. Alice runs along the ground, waving, while Hiro waves back.]

Hiro: See you again Alice! Take care!
Alice: Yes, you too, Hiro!

Alice: ...Good bye

[Alice’s father stands behind her, smiling.]

Alice’s Father: Alice, were you...

Alice’s Father: in love with him?

-174-

[Alice turns around towards her father, smiling wide.]

Alice: Yeah!

[Her father’s face goes pale. The image of Phacia, smiling, appears in his mind.]

Alice: But that’s ok! They say your first love isn’t supposed to work out

-175-

Alice: For now, I’ll become such a beautiful girl that even Hiro would be surprised
Alice: And someone wonderful will love me in return!

Alice: Say, dad...
Alice: You think it’s all right that my first crush was on Hiro, right?

[Alice’s father nervously rubs the back of his neck, not saying anything. Alice then points up to the sky as a large shadow is cast across the ground; Alice’s father looks up.]

Alice: Hey, look!

-176-

[Ruby is flying away, high in the sky, with the field and lake of the Katarina Zone below them and the Blue Star across the horizon.]

Alice: The Red Dragon!

Lunar: Childhood’s End – Finished
From Lunar - Childhood's End, Chapter 7. KF
~Kizyr (they|them)
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Post by Benevolent_Ghaleon »

One thing i consider important is to try to keep everything in your mind as honest as you can. It may be EASIER to try to convince yourself that he's just a mean person, but that generally isn't the case.

This is a massive growing experience for you and out of ANY experience you can choose to take good or bad things from it. Please don't choose negativity.

Do your best to find out the reason it ended. It'd be hard for the faults to land entirely on one of you. Find each reason, figure out which ones have you at a fault and see what you can do to correct them. You'll thank yourself later.

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Post by meg »

ouch. well. pay attention and learn from it. did he give reasons?

i've had a strange mix of boyfriends myself. the last one, i remember doing a couple things to help myself move on.

the first, was naturally to handle the feeling of rejection. it had been a more or less mutual breakup, but there's still that STING there. i felt ugly, so, i put on a short skirt and went for a walk. i live in the city, so, it wasn't too long before i got some attention from the boys on the street.

then i bought a plant. that may sound odd, but, my boyfriend had been high maintenence emotionally. i was so accustomed to supporting him, that i needed something to take care of. for awhile, that plant was the most well cared for little flower in the world. and it really did help.

think about what this break up is doing to you, and what the relationship did for you while you had it. break it down to its most basic parts. be ruthless.

and, really. if you can, avoid him for awhile. you need time away from him to sort yourself out. remember, you don't need a boyfriend to be happy. you certainly don't need any boy that doesn't want you.

and, just because he doesn't want you, doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.
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Post by Benevolent_Ghaleon »

meg wrote:i felt ugly, so, i put on a short skirt and went for a walk. i live in the city, so, it wasn't too long before i got some attention from the boys on the street.
Sagely advice! "If a man hurts your self-esteem, counter by hurting your own self-respect." :roll:

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Post by Alunissage »

She wasn't giving advice, she was saying what she did. And where did she talk about self-respect? Don't put words in her mouth; she can speak for herself.

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Post by Benevolent_Ghaleon »

Alunissage wrote:She wasn't giving advice, she was saying what she did. And where did she talk about self-respect? Don't put words in her mouth; she can speak for herself.
She never said self-respect or mentioned it. She spoke of prettying yourself up and seeking attention. Those are behaviors that denote a lack of self-respect. I didn't put words into her mouth. I announced my perception of what i read. It may not have been intended as advice, but i'd find it greatly depressing if she used it.

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Post by ilovemyguitar »

Wow. I remember going through this. I actually went through a really painful breakup earlier this year. He wasn't my first, but it was REALLY serious, and I'd actually started to think that he was the one. Like, the one. And the way it ended... I'm not going to go into the grisly details, but it was pretty bad. It really and truly sucked.

I was pretty much an emotional wreck for a long time. I knew I'd hit rock bottom when I was moved to tears by a dance routine on "So You Think You Can Dance." (True story! They were dancing... and they had a flower... and there was a park bench... and the girl dancer was all sad because the boy didn't want her flower... if anyone saw it, they know what I'm talking about. Don't judge me! I'd had two glasses of wine!)

So yeah, I don't know what sort of words of encouragement I can give. You can look forward to being reminded of your failed relationship by everyday things (EVERY breakup song is going to sound like it was written about you). And god help you if you're in a situation where you have to see him on a regular basis, because then you can look forward to plenty of painful moments of seeing him being happy when he should not! be! so! freaking! happy! Plus there'll be the constant fighting with yourself, wanting to be angry at him, but not wanting to let yourself be too angry at him, because then it's really over.

I just hope you won't be as much of a sad sack as me, crying while watching people in silly costumes dancing around on reality tv shows.
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Post by meg »

Benevolent_Ghaleon wrote:
Alunissage wrote:She wasn't giving advice, she was saying what she did. And where did she talk about self-respect? Don't put words in her mouth; she can speak for herself.
She never said self-respect or mentioned it. She spoke of prettying yourself up and seeking attention. Those are behaviors that denote a lack of self-respect. I didn't put words into her mouth. I announced my perception of what i read. It may not have been intended as advice, but i'd find it greatly depressing if she used it.
i can speak for myself. the fact is, i know people will say things just to make you feel better. so, rather than ask a well-meaning but less-than-honest friend if s/he thought i were pretty, i went out and decided to find some honesty. because part of myself wondered if the break-up might have been avoided if i were prettier. it was an irrational concern, but, emotion is not considered rational, for the most part.

i didn't flash anyone. i didn't dress like a whore. i said i wore a short skirt. a short ruffled jean skirt with tattered edges. with a legend of zelda t-shirt, actually, and a pair of sandals. i know, that's shockingly indecent. how dare i leave the house in less than full hijab?

i suppose i should further spell myself out, since apperantly i'm easy to misunderstand (and just plain easy!). certain aspects of the pain can be broken down and appeased in small ways. i got rid of that one bit of irrationality with a walk down the street. i got rid of my accustomed need to take care of something with a houseplant.

what is hard to take all at once is far more conquerable in small pieces. if you can sit down and figure yourself out, you can figure out how to take care of yourself. different minds work differently. i'm not suggesting she buy a plant and a short skirt. i'm suggesting she figure out what she needs to do to make herself okay again.

thank you for sticking up for me, alunissage. it's ok though.

i should note, that the desire to be and feel pretty has nothing to do with self respect, and that girls that do not wear make up or short skirts are as capable of disrespecting themselves as those that do. self respect has a great deal more to do with how you think of yourself.

if anything, how you present yourself has much more to do with self esteem, and even then, your presentation isn't something easily read. i have been depressed to the point of simply not caring how i looked. i would roll out of bed, brush my hair so it would hand in and hide my face, and wear the rattiest clothes i could find because i didn't want looked at. i wasn't worth looking at.

after that break up, i wanted reassurance that i wasn't ugly. but ordinarily, i wear that skirt on days i feel exceptionally cute, because it is a cute little skirt. i should point out that how you feel about your appearance has little bearing on how others see you, as i've had ugly feeling days and been unable to walk a block without being hit on, and pretty days and been ignored.

and that's part of the female experience. we are taught from early on that pretty is good, and men reinforce it every day by accepting or rejecting us based on our looks, and then telling us, as perfect strangers on the street, to our faces what conclusions they've come to.

like how you judged me to have no self respect, based on the fact i wore a short skirt and talked about needing attention. i see nothing wrong with occasionally using that to help myself feel better, since they regard it as their right to share, just as i see nothing wrong with you saying i have no self respect.

however, i do feel i have to correct you, as your perception is too black and white to be useful. everyone needs attention sometimes. girls are particularly vulnerable after a break up, when they are wondering what they did wrong, and if something is wrong with them. rejection hurts. you do what you have to in order to heal up. you can grow and learn after you've healed a bit, and your mind is clearer.
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Post by wildthehero »

Well, I'm going to have to echo Rimmie. I don't know what your beliefs are, but as far as I'm concerned, there's only one person you're destined to spend the rest of your life with, and you'll come by that person through a natural course of events. This guy just proved he wasnt it. It's no reflection on either of you. That said, I'm a guy, and I know guys and girls don't think the same way, and I don't really date around anyway. I know what I'm looking for. Know what you're looking for and keep your eyes out. When you find each other, he should treat you like the princess you are, and if he's any sort of a man, he'll know that. Don't look at it as a bad thing. It's an opportunity.
Who says you cant have your cake and eat it too!?!

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Post by Benevolent_Ghaleon »

meg wrote:
Benevolent_Ghaleon wrote:
Alunissage wrote:She wasn't giving advice, she was saying what she did. And where did she talk about self-respect? Don't put words in her mouth; she can speak for herself.
She never said self-respect or mentioned it. She spoke of prettying yourself up and seeking attention. Those are behaviors that denote a lack of self-respect. I didn't put words into her mouth. I announced my perception of what i read. It may not have been intended as advice, but i'd find it greatly depressing if she used it.
i can speak for myself. the fact is, i know people will say things just to make you feel better. so, rather than ask a well-meaning but less-than-honest friend if s/he thought i were pretty, i went out and decided to find some honesty. because part of myself wondered if the break-up might have been avoided if i were prettier. it was an irrational concern, but, emotion is not considered rational, for the most part.

i didn't flash anyone. i didn't dress like a whore. i said i wore a short skirt. a short ruffled jean skirt with tattered edges. with a legend of zelda t-shirt, actually, and a pair of sandals. i know, that's shockingly indecent. how dare i leave the house in less than full hijab?

i suppose i should further spell myself out, since apperantly i'm easy to misunderstand (and just plain easy!). certain aspects of the pain can be broken down and appeased in small ways. i got rid of that one bit of irrationality with a walk down the street. i got rid of my accustomed need to take care of something with a houseplant.

what is hard to take all at once is far more conquerable in small pieces. if you can sit down and figure yourself out, you can figure out how to take care of yourself. different minds work differently. i'm not suggesting she buy a plant and a short skirt. i'm suggesting she figure out what she needs to do to make herself okay again.

thank you for sticking up for me, alunissage. it's ok though.

i should note, that the desire to be and feel pretty has nothing to do with self respect, and that girls that do not wear make up or short skirts are as capable of disrespecting themselves as those that do. self respect has a great deal more to do with how you think of yourself.

if anything, how you present yourself has much more to do with self esteem, and even then, your presentation isn't something easily read. i have been depressed to the point of simply not caring how i looked. i would roll out of bed, brush my hair so it would hand in and hide my face, and wear the rattiest clothes i could find because i didn't want looked at. i wasn't worth looking at.

after that break up, i wanted reassurance that i wasn't ugly. but ordinarily, i wear that skirt on days i feel exceptionally cute, because it is a cute little skirt. i should point out that how you feel about your appearance has little bearing on how others see you, as i've had ugly feeling days and been unable to walk a block without being hit on, and pretty days and been ignored.

and that's part of the female experience. we are taught from early on that pretty is good, and men reinforce it every day by accepting or rejecting us based on our looks, and then telling us, as perfect strangers on the street, to our faces what conclusions they've come to.

like how you judged me to have no self respect, based on the fact i wore a short skirt and talked about needing attention. i see nothing wrong with occasionally using that to help myself feel better, since they regard it as their right to share, just as i see nothing wrong with you saying i have no self respect.

however, i do feel i have to correct you, as your perception is too black and white to be useful. everyone needs attention sometimes. girls are particularly vulnerable after a break up, when they are wondering what they did wrong, and if something is wrong with them. rejection hurts. you do what you have to in order to heal up. you can grow and learn after you've healed a bit, and your mind is clearer.
Jesus Christ! People sure are long-winded in this serious internet.

I insist that i get as many people as i can to realize that my opinion (and most other people's opinions) isn't important and that only theirs is.

Anyway, i didn't say you had no self-respect. My assumption was that it was a somewhat isolated occurance and happened during your much younger years.

I simply got alarmed because i didn't want her to read that and consider it. She COULD end up sexually assaulted that way or could also just end up regretting the behavior later.

ALSO, has anyone else noticed that the first post in this thread is her LAST post? Are we even giving advice and opinions to someone that is still alive?

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Post by GhaleonOne »

ALSO, has anyone else noticed that the first post in this thread is her LAST post? Are we even giving advice and opinions to someone that is still alive?
Looks like her xanga account she has linked in her profile shows she updated it Saturday after final exams, so she's probably just busy (which is actually a good remedy for the blues), but it would be good to get a confirmation on that. DyingSoul, you out there?
-G1

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Post by Alunissage »

Strangely enough, it is entirely acceptable for discussion to continue in the absence of the original poster. Aside from whatever abstract interest the topic may have, she is not the first or the last to be in her position, and there's no reason to think no one else might benefit.

And yes, people do make serious posts in serious topics here. If this bothers you then stay out of them. Refrain from your disparagement; you are new here and hardly have the right to criticize how a long-established community chooses to approach some topics. Go elsewhere for your completely unserious internet, and accept that when you join a community it will run according to its preferences and predilections and not yours.

It is also unnecessary to quote lengthy posts in their entirety, particularly when you are not replying to specific phrases.

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Post by Benevolent_Ghaleon »

Alunissage wrote:Strangely enough, it is entirely acceptable for discussion to continue in the absence of the original poster. Aside from whatever abstract interest the topic may have, she is not the first or the last to be in her position, and there's no reason to think no one else might benefit.

And yes, people do make serious posts in serious topics here. If this bothers you then stay out of them. Refrain from your disparagement; you are new here and hardly have the right to criticize how a long-established community chooses to approach some topics. Go elsewhere for your completely unserious internet, and accept that when you join a community it will run according to its preferences and predilections and not yours.

It is also unnecessary to quote lengthy posts in their entirety, particularly when you are not replying to specific phrases.
My "serious internet" remark was because of how much she reacted to what i said. That was the most formal overreaction i've ever witnessed. People need to stop caring about how they're perceived by the people that don't know them very well or at all.

Also, i'd like to know what you mean by "the right". I know that the law doesn't apply in this so i'll assume you mean MORAL rights. What functions as your basis for morality and lets you know what people do and do not have the right to do?

I'll also try to be mindful of not quoting lengthy posts.

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