Dear ladies of the board.... a question about dating

[Faust]

Now, you brought up a statement that my sister even brought up. Girls may judge a guy based on if he has money or not, because if he does then it shows he is responcible. It makes sense, but I disagree completely. Just because he has money doesn't make him responsible, and just because he has no money doesn't make him irresponcible either. I can understand thinking that way, but I believe that kind of view is misleading.

Truer words have never been spoken...Used to know a guy who has a lot of money but always cheating on his most current girlfriend(s) and always getting into trouble with his parents...>_< Now at least he can hold a job...^_^

Read some where that in order for a relationship/marriage to work, one of them have to work...^_^

[Zhane Masaki]

Heh...I'm not really the guy to come for answers regarding love, phyco. I've never had much success in relationships myself...having come out of a really good one back in February.

And I'll quit it at that, since mentioning February dredges up painful memories.

[lnrSaxon]

this is a very interesting dilemma, phyco. ha, we'd always just talked about random stuff for the most part, but looks like we're going somewhere. =)

i don't think a guy has to be well off and has everything needed in order to be with him. honestly, pastors have a hard time with what their incomes are, but they manage.

i agree with everyone that's said that there should be a goal. my friend blogged about this one time and he said that he knew a lot of people who worry about income. he goes to caltech where there are a LOT of premeds including himself. there was a girl he knew who planned things almost to the tee. she wanted to be out of grad school and find an internship. more or less, it meant she wouldn't get around to looking for someone until she was in her 30s.

my friend, however, differed from this girl in that he did not see marriage as the goal but part of the journey. and that sticks with me even now.

so yeahhhh... my 2 cents. =)

[phyco126]

My problem, is that while I too view marriage as a journy rather than, something that degrades marriage to a lesser form, I lack the patience and the living will to see myself married, even 30 years from now. I have many problems, and my fianances are part of that, which makes me wonder what the point is of finding a relationship that would work. These day's, I feel that people are far too concerned with money, looks, and everything BUT love to let something work.

[Rimmie]

I think the answer is rather simple then: Find someone who's not. It may take a while, but damn, don't be one of those jackasses that has a million girlfriends, is engaged 5 times, and married twice.

If you wonder everyday and try and evalue-ize what you'll think you'll need in life, maybe she'll walk right by because you were looking for something else.

I just feel that we should keep money seperate from love. Of course, I'm half crazey.

Billy Joel said it all :"You may be right; I may be crazy. But it just might be a luooonatic you're lookin' for!"

[lnrSaxon]

amen to that! and you don't seem to me to be that type of person. you're plenty smart and when you find something for you that you really enjoy, there's no stopping you from there. =)

it's hard for me to picture myself married, too. financially, i'm practically dying. i'm 19, just moved out (not by choice), working part-time, and going to school part-time. i've got to worry about rent and bills and all that crazy stuff now. ::sigh:: and student loans. blast!

there are a lot of people worried about the wrong things like money and glam. so don't look for those people. =)

hang in there. =D

i'm one of those people that believes in the idea of "the one." just gotta wait patiently till we're ready, i guess. =D

[AbsoluteAlex]

I dont know if its already been said before, but the most important thing is not money. I think its all about attitude and charisma, as long as you got that going for you, ladies will dig you no matter what. Confidence goes a long way, people that are unsure about themselves will find it harder to attract that right person. I met my girl when i was a poor college student that could barely afford to take her to dinner, but we still had fun. Also if money is your thing, then the above mentioned traits could help you land a sweet job.

[phyco126]

Heh, yeah, but even if you have all the confidence and charm in the world, if you still make jack squat and live with your parents, even if you do find a girl, she won't be dating you once she realizes that house isn't yours, hahaha. Like that movie, failure to launch.

[Sonic#]

Again, depends on the girl, the attitude of the guy, and derived from that attitude, what he's doing with himself at the time. You can be living with your parents for a rough patch, but be gearing up for, say, school, or a job, or the military. You could be taking care of an ailing parent, or in the case of some families, that can simply be the arrangement that you're most comfortable with.

Would it be different if the female was the one who had little and lived with her parents? You might say that it would depend on her attitude, her personality, and such. I think some females would see it that way as well.

[YoshiMars]

Sonic# You are correct there. I would see it that way.

[phyco126]

Would it be different if the female was the one who had little and lived with her parents? You might say that it would depend on her attitude, her personality, and such. I think some females would see it that way as well.

In my case, I wouldn't care if the girl had money or lived with her parents. If I had feelings for her, then I have feelings for her. That's the part I think would matter the most. If she needed help, then by all means she could move in with me, and I would do my very best to help her out.

[Zalbag]

Lol, well my girlfriend has no job but I support her, she plays video games all day but does clean and do laundry etc. She's old fashion haha. Anyways I loved her and well she loved me when I had no job and she did (She's a Alarm Installer) But Money shouldn't come in between other people.

Money is just paper, something (not to put it so rudely) you can wipe your butt with. Paper with a number is all it is. With this all I can love is good and money helps.

To quote a famous band...

"Though we touch and went our Seperate ways!!!!!!"

Come on guess it

[Alunissage]

Song is "Separate Ways", and I want to say Journey, but I've only heard the original once or twice -- I mainly know it from playing it in marching band.

I moved in with my then-bf when I lost my job several years ago. This freaked his parents out, as they feared I might become a leech and/or it would be hard to uproot me if the relationship went sour. (This wasn't personal; they just didn't think he was ready for a relationship that serious.) Then he got laid off too and my unemployment check became an important contribution to the household expenses. We were both re-employed a couple of months later and I moved out a month after that, both of which probably reassured his parents. They certainly didn't mind when I again moved into the condo he bought the following year, as a "mortgage helper" -- his mother actually was concerned that he was asking too much of a contribution from me and I might want to move out and find cheaper housing. As if there weren't other benefits to my being there. Then we got married two years later and all is well.

Oh... and he was living with his family when we first got involved, but that was a somewhat unusual situation. He was in his third year of college, having spent the first two in dorm, and his younger brother was in a "transition" program at the same school to basically accelerate him into college. So when younger brother came out west, mother came along and got an apartment for the three of them. Sometime after our relationship started his father and other brother arrived; the family had decided to settle there rather than be split between Vancouver and Saskatoon. But my husband was fairly independent even so, and barely two weeks after his graduation he was in the States on his own and working. Every circumstance is different, I suppose.

[Blue_Sycro]

Yeah it's definitely Journey.

Hi everyone I'm Blue_Sycro and I am awkwardly inserting myself into this conversation.

[Angelalex242]

I took that quiz myself. It's not bad, as it goes.

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

[Kizyr]

I finally got around to taking that quiz.

It was pretty damned awful. On 8 counts, it got 6 of them off-base.

1. You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
2. In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell.
3. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.
4. You would be forced to break up with someone who was arrogant, acting like the dictator of your life.
5. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
6. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
7. You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.
8. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

1, 2, 7, and 8 are all off base (#2 and #8 are pretty much the opposite of what I want). 4 and 6 are so generic that they'd apply to anyone. Only 3 and 5 were remotely close.

It relies on the person taking the test having the same opinions about animals as the author of the test. My guess is that the author didn't account for people answering the question with practicality instead of based on a bunch of 'aww cute' responses. KF

[Jenner]

Alright, so here's the deal. I was talking with my sister, and we where basically argueing about how relationships work in this day and age. I was argueing that relationships in today's age is based more on money and material items, rather than actual love and feelings from the heart. She argued that it isn't true, but that women use such things to judge if the man is worthy, so to speak, to be kept. I argue that the judgement should come from the heart, not what he has and how much he makes.

So the question, ladies, is simple. Would you date a guy who has no money? Yes, no, whatever the answer, please explain to give me some insight. Do not lie, tell the truth, no matter how mean it could be.

Now to clarify, the man doesn't have a job so he has no money to spend on material things, and even sometimes food. -OR- The man has a job, but it is a low paying job and he has a lot of bills, so in essence, he still has no money. Final case, the guy is in highschool (since I know a lot of you ladies are still in school) and he doesn't have a job or money, and his parents arn't about to fork over any dough either.

So, there you have it. Feel free to ask me questions, but please answer and give an explanation as to why you answered why you did.

Now, I've just taken three, that's right THREE, psychology classes from an average community college. That means I am a master of this subject and I just want to say that you're not gonna get an honest answer in an informal environment like this. You'd need to run a real experiment, polls do nothing. People are going to answer the RIGHT way not the HONEST way.

[phyco126]

You'd need to run a real experiment, polls do nothing. People are going to answer the RIGHT way not the HONEST way.

Yeah, but scientists are so hard to come by these days, especially with real money. I would do one myself, but I lost my lab coat years ago, and we all know scientific studies just cannot be done without uber white labcoats .

On a more serious note, from what I've seen outside of the internet might as well as count as the experiment. Seeing the real deal in action is as close to honesty as one can get I would suppose. And seeing what I have seen, I just had to confirm if I just had bad luck seeing the bad or if what I saw was the real deal. *shrugs*

[Jenner]

Well... I've noticed something. There is no shortage of females in this world. However, there is a shortage of genuinely decent females in this world.

The media culture as it is today is just going to make things worse, churning out the next batch of lil' media whores who "Expect they man to pay up afore we put out." as the 13 year olds I'm hearing have been saying. The pickings of good, level-headed, grounded and rational companionable girls is gonna be slim. Poor men are going to be trapped with this simpering filth. It truly horrifies me, the trend is showing and we are turning a curve... It's enough to make me want to quit my gender it disgusts me so much. If things keep going as they're going I project that in the future there will be little to absolutely no value to a thinking, logical, rational woman. The few that exist are going to be destroyed by the men, who, according to sociologists, are regressing in acceptability too. There is no words for the regression our society is taking by embracing this new change in culture. A culture that degrades our population and cripples our racial integrity. (Not just "whites", and "blacks", but all peoples.)

I think our generation was generation X? We filled the world with Apathy and Gaming? Not a bad job, if I dare say so myself. I think I'm going to call these next few generations the Bratz Generation or maybe the Indulgence Generation. I have a lot of good guy friends who are damn good men but who cannot find a good woman to settle in with 'cause the pickings are slim even now.

But, you didn't want a tangent, so, at this moment Phyco I'll answer your question ineffectively. The good girls will care about the emotional support moreso then anything else, but they'll still need a competant man too. You cannot live on love. The bad women are going to be money-grubbing STD landfills and they're going to take over the world in the next 3 or four decades if this crap keeps up.

^^ Hope that helps.

[Benevolent_Ghaleon]

Alright, so here's the deal. I was talking with my sister, and we where basically argueing about how relationships work in this day and age. I was argueing that relationships in today's age is based more on money and material items, rather than actual love and feelings from the heart. She argued that it isn't true, but that women use such things to judge if the man is worthy, so to speak, to be kept. I argue that the judgement should come from the heart, not what he has and how much he makes.

So the question, ladies, is simple. Would you date a guy who has no money? Yes, no, whatever the answer, please explain to give me some insight. Do not lie, tell the truth, no matter how mean it could be.

Now to clarify, the man doesn't have a job so he has no money to spend on material things, and even sometimes food. -OR- The man has a job, but it is a low paying job and he has a lot of bills, so in essence, he still has no money. Final case, the guy is in highschool (since I know a lot of you ladies are still in school) and he doesn't have a job or money, and his parents arn't about to fork over any dough either.

So, there you have it. Feel free to ask me questions, but please answer and give an explanation as to why you answered why you did.

Now, I've just taken three, that's right THREE, psychology classes from an average community college. That means I am a master of this subject and I just want to say that you're not gonna get an honest answer in an informal environment like this. You'd need to run a real experiment, polls do nothing. People are going to answer the RIGHT way not the HONEST way.

Absolute truth! Have you read "The Social Animal" by Elliot Aronson?