For the first time in my life, I broke up with a girl

Nobiyuki77 · Post by **Nobiyuki77** » Thu Jul 14, 2011 3:26 am

Here's the scoop. So I dated a woman for about a month a while back, and then she disappeared on me. Then a week ago she texts me saying she wants to try again. I told her in no uncertain terms that it would depend on whether or not she was actually serious. We went on a couple of dates, and tonight I did something I didn't think was possible for me.

I told her I was done.

Like, she's a total babe, and I told her to take a hike. Well, not in those words, but the words I chose were basically "Well, either you let me into your world, or I'll find someone who will let me into theirs,". And she was silent. I looked her dead in the eye and told her "I guess we're at an impasse then," and ate. She told me she liked me and that she wanted me in her life, just no relationship. I told her that's a song and dance I know so well I can sing the lyrics by heart.

And the funny thing is... I feel good. Like, really good. I finally stood up for myself and stopped letting a woman jerk me around while she waited for something better. I told her take it or leave it. Her loss. It's too bad, I'd have liked to be with her, but it's just not worth being toyed with. I'm 30 now, and I'm done with the games. I've no time for them anymore.

Arlia · Post by **Arlia** » Thu Jul 14, 2011 6:11 am

Good. =) I'm happy for you. Sounds like you made the right choice.

Post by **Sonic#** » Thu Jul 14, 2011 1:08 pm

Congratulations! It feels good to be able to determine when a relationship just isn't working. I should say, for the sake of completeness, that it's okay if it hurts too. I have never felt the experience to be so liberating; typically my guilt cripples me.

Did you tell her, "This is the last time you'll be seeing these?"

Nobiyuki77 · Post by **Nobiyuki77** » Thu Jul 14, 2011 3:33 pm

Thanks guys. I feel really good, but a touch guilty too. I'll get over it.

Sonic#, not quite like that, but I basically told her that we were done and I would spend my time pursuing other women who actually want to be in a relationship with me. Er, soon as I find her, obviously.

Post by **GhaleonOne** » Sat Jul 16, 2011 6:05 pm

Good for you mate! Seriously, the best girl is the one you can just be yourself around and have fun with. Sounds like this girl wasn't it if she was playing the typical games.

phyco126 · Post by **phyco126** » Sat Jul 16, 2011 9:41 pm

She told me she liked me and that she wanted me in her life, just no relationship.

I hate that. I especially hate it when they know it all along but decide that they can get you to open your wallet for them first.

Nobiyuki77 · Post by **Nobiyuki77** » Sun Jul 17, 2011 4:35 am

GhaleonOne wrote:Good for you mate! Seriously, the best girl is the one you can just be yourself around and have fun with. Sounds like this girl wasn't it if she was playing the typical games.

Yeah. I just kind of realized it when I turned 30. I just don't have time for games anymore. >_> It's too bad though, she was a babe.

phyco126 wrote:
She told me she liked me and that she wanted me in her life, just no relationship.
I hate that. I especially hate it when they know it all along but decide that they can get you to open your wallet for them first.

Yeah, tell me about it. >>; I could tell she was just trying to get back with me because whatever it was she left me for in the first place didn't work out, she was feeling lonely, and just wanted me around to placate her loneliness while she waited for "something better" to come along. I've no problem with her wanting something better if I'm not for her. But I'm not here to make her feel better. She can get some other chump to waste their time, money, and heart on her for that purpose.

Monde Luna · Post by **Monde Luna** » Sun Jul 17, 2011 5:38 pm

Good for you, you totally did the right thing.

Post by **Kizyr** » Tue Jul 19, 2011 1:20 am

Nobiyuki77 wrote:She told me she liked me and that she wanted me in her life, just no relationship.
...
Yeah, tell me about it. >>; I could tell she was just trying to get back with me because whatever it was she left me for in the first place didn't work out, she was feeling lonely, and just wanted me around to placate her loneliness while she waited for "something better" to come along. I've no problem with her wanting something better if I'm not for her. But I'm not here to make her feel better. She can get some other chump to waste their time, money, and heart on her for that purpose.

I know you already know this, but it might help to hear it from multiple sources. That's pretty much spot-on with the translation. "I want you in my life, but no relationship" = "I'm holding out for someone better and don't want to commit, but you can be a backup". Yeah, "no thanks" is the best response if you ask me.

So you feel good about it? That's actually great. Breakups can be hard on both sides sometimes (including the person initiating it), but they needn't always be.
...it's still ok to feel bad though. KF

Werefrog · Post by **Werefrog** » Tue Jul 19, 2011 2:09 am

But this is going to completely ruin the "Will they/Won't they" plotline I'm writing into your life.

Sorry, I can only relate to life through unrealistic sitcoms. Seriously though, this seems positive. Don't let anyone ever string you along in any aspect of your life. This is advice I wish I could go back and tell the past me.

Nobiyuki77 · Post by **Nobiyuki77** » Tue Jul 19, 2011 11:38 am

Kizyr wrote:I know you already know this, but it might help to hear it from multiple sources. That's pretty much spot-on with the translation. "I want you in my life, but no relationship" = "I'm holding out for someone better and don't want to commit, but you can be a backup". Yeah, "no thanks" is the best response if you ask me.

So you feel good about it? That's actually great. Breakups can be hard on both sides sometimes (including the person initiating it), but they needn't always be.
...it's still ok to feel bad though. KF

I feel great about breaking up with her. I feel bad that she didn't want me as more than a backup. So that's the basic gist of the conflict. Overall though, I feel better. ^^

Werefrog wrote:But this is going to completely ruin the "Will they/Won't they" plotline I'm writing into your life.

Sorry, I can only relate to life through unrealistic sitcoms. Seriously though, this seems positive. Don't let anyone ever string you along in any aspect of your life. This is advice I wish I could go back and tell the past me.

If I could go back in time some 15 years and kick my own butt into gear, I would. I wouldn't mind disappearing if it meant giving the younger me a brighter future.

WhiteKnightLeo · Post by **WhiteKnightLeo** » Tue Jul 19, 2011 7:38 pm

I also broke up with a girl for the first time my last relationship. Somehow, I managed to find a girl right after who loved to play Lunar...score. Just goes to show things can happen for the best. ^_^

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