Lunar Threads

Hey guys. I just moved into college and am freaking out a bit...I've never really lived away from home for an extended period of time and feel totally displaced...Maybe this seems insignificant compared to all the world issues posts that have been popping up lately, but you guys are some of the nicest people I've come across on the internet, so if anyone has any words of comfort they'd be much appreciated. I just don't know what to do with myself.

It's just one of thse things that comes with growing up... If you're not used to being self-reliant, you will learn. Try to be responsible, but don't forget to have fun now and then.

Where are you going to school (and what are you studying?)

I know the feeling. I've displaced myself twice over now, once to go to college, and then to go to another college just recently. This transition had some lonely moments, but it was really the first one that was mini freakout-worthy.

I was (and still am) fairly close with my family. This includes my living grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I was used to seeing some of them on a regular occasion, and some every once in a while. So leaving them behind, and leaving behind nearly all of my friends (most opted to go to the local college) was rough.

There are a few things you can do though.

1. Counseling: It depends on the school you go to, but look around for some sort of counseling service on campus. At both schools I've gone to, it has been free, covered by the miscellaneous fees I paid. They are there for major situations like depression, and also "little" things like homesickness (which isn't little at all when you're suffering it). They're there for you. That's one thing I wish I had known at first.

2. Find friends: For some people this is really easy, and for others (like me) it's difficult because they tend to be a quiet restrained person until they know someone. Try to find out about some organizations on campus you would be interested in. I joined a Sci-fi/fantasy club and a couple of other things, and made some other friends through my classes. Try to push yourself to talk to others, and if they act disdainful of your attention (a fear seldom realized, but it happens), then they probably don't deserve it or are just having a bad day.

3. Keep up in your classes: I don't mention this just because I think it's a good idea in general. If you're doing badly in class, then you not only have to deal with homesickness, but the added despair of uncertainty about things like financial aid, failing out, and other things. With homesickness one impulse is to just curl up or spaz out. It's better to fuel that anxiety positively, rather than let it overflow into other things.

4. Look forward to visiting home: Unless there's something peculiar about your situation, you're probably going to be able to visit home. Maybe it'll be in a few weeks, maybe fall break, maybe Thanksgiving or Christmas. Whenever you miss home, think forward to that. Call home every few days.

Right now it's daunting, but you're going to get used to being where you're at. You're going to learn your way around. Getting food will become as much second nature as popping open the fridge at home. You'll know people. Hopefully, you'll enjoy your classes and have decent professors. It might become as familiar as home to you, but even if it doesn't, you'll find yourself more comfortable. Just try to relax.

Blue_Scyro, let me know how it's going as your semester starts. Almost all people have to be away from home eventually. I know I presume a lot about your situation, but I'm confident you can fill in the right details yourself.

White Shadow, thanks for your input! It's a small liberal arts school in Northern California, in a tiny town called Moraga. I'm undecided on a major right now, so I'm just taking your general courses, and Japanese which I'm looking forward to

Sonic#, thank you also for your response. My school is small and relatively close to home (about a 1 hour flight), so all the things you've suggested are possible for me (although I also have some trouble with new people also- I'm generally pretty reserved). My Japanese professor mentioned an anime/Japanese culture type club, so I'll probably join that. I'm sure I can find some cool people.

Anyway, I do feel somewhat better now, I just need to get into the groove of things I guess.

Simple things you can do...

- keep your door open your freshman year (while you're in the room, obviously)
- join other folks in your dorms/classes for lunch/dinner (it can be as easy as asking "hey, you eat yet? - you want to get something from [xx]?")
- join a student organization or two
- join a religious organization if it suits you (really helped for me)

'Course, those are things for meeting new people and getting comfortable. As for learning how to get around, I'm sure you'll eventually settle into something. KF

Kiz has some really good ideas. I know what you mean, I lived my first 3 years of college alone which was a huge transition for me, coming from a house of 4 humans and 5-6 animals. Basically, the best thing to do is to just keep busy, hang out with as many people as possible and soon you'll be swimming in homework. You won't have enough time to feel lonely =] The beginning of the semester is always the worst, it'll get better ^_^ Hang in there~

I agree with everyone; they all have wonderful advice.

Trust me, things do get easier... The first month or two of freshman year is the hardest, in social terms. Some people go home during this period, but you have to be strong... It's all a part of growing up, babe. You'll do fine, trust me.

Hehe, during my graduation, my Dad and Step-mama laughed at me because after the first week or college, I called them crying because I wanted to go home. But my Dad told me to "stop being a -Plantella-" (verbatim. Nicely and humorously said, but verbatim) and stick to my guns. And I graduated top of my class. That never would have happened if I had given up and gone home.

It's definitely natural to feel displaced when you first go to college, but you'll have the time of your life.

I say just get drunk often and hook up with as many girls as possible.

XD

... What?!

Hi. Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for replying and helping me out.

And Phyco, that might not help me too much, considering I'm a girl who isn't into other girls But it made me chuckle at least.

My advice is to stay away from the booze. I've seen far too many people fall into the trap of partying all the time and letting academics slide.

I guess this advice doesn't apply if you're of drinking age and are responsible enough to limit your drinking.

I have to say it never occurred to me to call any town part of the SF bay area "tiny". =) Although I'm having a little bit of trouble placing exactly where it is. When I was in the Cal Band (UC Berkeley) we would play for a group of alumni and supporters called the Lamorinda Golden Bears -- Lafayette/Moraga/Orinda. And I know where Lafayette and Orinda are, so I assume Moraga is nearby; not exactly near the center of the Bay Area, I suppose. [checks Google maps -- ah, yes, the other side of the hills. Yeah, I could see calling that small.]

Anyway, I hope things work out for you. I was about an hour's flight away from my folks myself (they're in the LA area) when I started at Cal, but I had grandparents in El Cerrito so I could visit with family that was nearer. I don't have specific advice on settling in and connecting with people; I'm pretty reclusive myself. Still, feel free to drop me a PM if you want to chat with someone kinda-sorta-vaguely in the area. I go to Lafayette now and again because there's a pretty nice yarn store there, which is more or less the extent of my knowledge of the place.

I've never cared for alcohol or hard partying, so no worries there.

And Moraga is basically down the street from Lafayette. If you leave the school and go down the road for about 5/10 minutes it magically turns into Lafayette. I guess it's considered "East Bay" or whatever. It's off by itself, but it's not difficult to get into town or go to SF. And I believe I've seen this yarn store you're referring to, perhaps I can take up knitting for self-soothing

Blue_Sycro wrote:Hi. Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for replying and helping me out.

And Phyco, that might not help me too much, considering I'm a girl who isn't into other girls But it made me chuckle at least.

!

XD Whoops ^^;

Well, um, hmmmm. Then I recommend drinking lots of water and OJ and study hard! Yeah, that's it. >_> ....... ......... ....... <_<

Werefrog wrote:My advice is to stay away from the booze. I've seen far too many people fall into the trap of partying all the time and letting academics slide.

I guess this advice doesn't apply if you're of drinking age and are responsible enough to limit your drinking.

Yes. Forget the drinking/bar hopping/clubbing, if it's not your thing. There is always plenty to do if you don't like drinking, despite what folks might tell you. The only difference is that it might take a little more effort to find. KF