JENNER FAILS AT WRITING APPROPRIATE E-MAILS TO MATURE FOLK

[Jenner]

Hai guys, so, if you've been reading [The Secret Hidden Board restricted only to the LNET members who have had sex with Eric] you know that I've been working on getting an organization started up in my college which lobbies for and pursues environmental goals and agendas for the betterment of state and the mutual benefit of lots of attention being aimed at the college.

WELL, little did I know that my college already HAD such an organization that just fell to the wayside during the Bush Years. So, rather than start up my own new group, I went about reviving this OLD group. In the process I was given the e-mail of several old members, perhaps this was my mistake. I contacted these people and one of them contacted the OLD president of the hibernating organization and he was all like:

"WHAT? SOMEONE IS GOING TO RUN MY ORGANIZATION? BUT MY PENIS IS SMALL AND I'M A STONER AND I NEED THIS FANCY TITLE TO HAVE VALIDATION IN MY LIFE PLOTPLOTPLOTDRAMADRAMADRAMA"
and I'm just completely oblivious.

Then I get this e-mail from the faculty adviser all "Hey, I hear you guys are having issues and butting heads and -Dragon Diamond-, we need to sort this out"

And I'm just like, "LOL WUT?" I have not been informed of this. See, Jenner doesn't really do drama all that well, especially penis waggling ego drama. Jenner doesn't CARE, Jenner just wants to Get -Dragon Diamond- Done. Jenner doesn't need a fancy title, Jenner will do it without you. Jenner left High School in High School.

So, now I have to write a letter to this professor and explain my confusion. But, I am having a hard time being professional about it and restraining my usual acidic wit and callousness. Here's where you get involved, please, FIX MY E-MAIL here it is, unaltered:

"Hey [NAME OF PROFESSOR GOES HERE], I just got your e-mail and um, I have no idea what is going on. I haven't heard or said or seen any conflict and I only just recently heard there is some kind of dispute going on today so, I don't know what's going on. Apparently these issues I know nothing about are being very... issue-y? Um, I guess someone else wants to be in charge or something and someone else doesn't want that and wants me to be in charge, is that what's going on? Because, personally, I don't give a flying fock who gets the fancy titles and this is just screaming way too High School social drama. To lay it out simple, I'm not here to step on toes or start drama, I just want to get some progress started so, I do not see why it has to be so personal. If this person wants to wear a big "Look at me, I'm focking president, my cock is huge now" T-Shirt I'm more then willing to let him as long as he actually gets -Dragon Diamond- done. I WAS VOLUNTEERED TO LEAD, I was personally approached and propositioned with this madness, so, I reiterate, I DO NOT FoCKING CARE I just want to do stuff. So [The Lady who originally approached me to revive and run this group] has set up a meeting for the group and hopefully everyone will show up. It's happening this Wednesday (2-4-09) at 4PM in the [College Newspaper] office adjacent to the Fishbowl just up the hall from the Radio Room. I hope to see you there, I'm completely willing to talk, compromise and work through whatever all this fuss is about as I have not been a part of this dramatrain and I'm derailing it here. Take it back to High School.

So, once we sort out all this egotistical title-humping rubbish can we also discuss some goals and objectives for the group and start getting some progress going? Because one of the things we really need to consider and get going is a new name for the group as LEAF is being used elsewhere and is pretty prominent.

Some of the ideas I have on the docket are:
Priority:
Democratic Election of Officers. Please note: we are not Zimbabwe.
Name Change of Organization

Hey, thanks a lot Professor [Guy]
Thanks for informing me of this shenanigans"

And... GO!

[Nobiyuki77]

I'll take a shot at rewriting this when I get home, assuming no one else has already done so by then.

It was kind of the opposite thing at my college when I started the anime club. By the 3rd year I was so busy I was begging people to take over the club for me so I didn't have to run it. I just didn't have the time. ^^

[Werefrog]

Well... I guess that it's better to have acidic wit than basic wit.

In all honesty, I think you already know what should and should not be in the email. It's not particularly appropriate to refer to it as high school drama (say something about being sorry for stepping on their toes or some other euphemism). Other than that I would just try to make the email more concise. Tell the professor what you're doing to alleviate the problem (or it might be better to ask the professor what he would do. Professors have egos too.) and thank him for bringing to it to your attention.

I think that resolving the problem is more important than the actual email you send to the professor.

[phyco126]

Awesome e-mail. Too bad society frowns on this. I would send it for sure, but I would first change "fock" to... um, you know. The correct spelling. Stupid society and it's bunched up panties.

[Jenner]

Awesome e-mail. Too bad society frowns on this. I would send it for sure, but I would first change "fock" to... um, you know. The correct spelling. Stupid society and it's bunched up panties.

I used fock to bypass Lnet's word filter. I assure you it was spelled right in the e-mail.

[Nobiyuki77]

"Hello [NAME OF PROFESSOR GOES HERE],

I just received your e-mail and I’m still unclear about what’s going on. I haven't heard, said, or seen any conflict. I only just today heard there is some kind of dispute going on, so I don't know what the situation is. From what I understand, someone else wants to be in charge, meanwhile someone else doesn't want that and would prefer me to be in charge, do I have that right? Because, personally, I don't really care about titles, and this is becoming far more complicated that it really needs to be. To put it simply, I'm not here to step on any toes or start any unnecessary drama; I just want to get this process started. I do not see why this needs to be so personal. If this person wants the title that badly, I'm more then willing to let him have it as long as he actually does the job. Let me reiterate that I was nominated to lead; I was personally approached and propositioned by another to take on this position. As such, I really don’t care about the title. I just want to do stuff. So [The Lady who originally approached me to revive and run this group] has set up a meeting for the group and hopefully everyone will show up. It's happening this Wednesday (02-04-09) at 4:00PM in the [College Newspaper] office adjacent to the Fishbowl, just up the hall from the Radio Room. I hope to see you there. I'm completely willing to discuss, compromise and work through this situation since I feel all of this drama is unnecessary, and is reminiscent of a High School drama.

So, once we sort this all out, can we also discuss some goals and objectives for the group and start getting making some proress? Because one of the things we really need to consider include a new name for the group as LEAF is being used elsewhere and is pretty prominent.

Some of the ideas I have on the docket are:
Priority:
Democratic Election of Officers.
Name Change of Organization

Hey, thanks a lot Professor [Guy]
And thank you for bringing this to my attention"

[Jenner]

"Hello [NAME OF PROFESSOR GOES HERE],

I just received your e-mail and I’m still unclear about what’s going on. I haven't heard, said, or seen any conflict. I only just today heard there is some kind of dispute going on, so I don't know what the situation is. From what I understand, someone else wants to be in charge, meanwhile someone else doesn't want that and would prefer me to be in charge, do I have that right? Because, personally, I don't really care about titles, and this is becoming far more complicated that it really needs to be. To put it simply, I'm not here to step on any toes or start any unnecessary drama; I just want to get this process started. I do not see why this needs to be so personal. If this person wants the title that badly, I'm more then willing to let him have it as long as he actually does the job. Let me reiterate that I was nominated to lead; I was personally approached and propositioned by another to take on this position. As such, I really don’t care about the title. I just want to do stuff. So [The Lady who originally approached me to revive and run this group] has set up a meeting for the group and hopefully everyone will show up. It's happening this Wednesday (02-04-09) at 4:00PM in the [College Newspaper] office adjacent to the Fishbowl, just up the hall from the Radio Room. I hope to see you there. I'm completely willing to discuss, compromise and work through this situation since I feel all of this drama is unnecessary, and is reminiscent of a High School drama.

So, once we sort this all out, can we also discuss some goals and objectives for the group and start getting making some proress? Because one of the things we really need to consider include a new name for the group as LEAF is being used elsewhere and is pretty prominent.

Some of the ideas I have on the docket are:
Priority:
Democratic Election of Officers.
Name Change of Organization

Hey, thanks a lot Professor [Guy]
And thank you for bringing this to my attention"

Awh, just reading that doesn't look like me It's like some alien professional thing, so not me. You took out all my wrath and ire.

[Nobiyuki77]

Awh, just reading that doesn't look like me It's like some alien professional thing, so not me. You took out all my wrath and ire.

Just trying to help.

[CatsWithMatches]

I dunno, that line about this not being Zimbabwe should almost stay, but only if this professor has been following the news. It sure made me laugh

[Kizyr]

Drop any pointless references to:
- high school
- pop culture
- current events in the news (if this were Zimbabwe then both of you would be running the organization by now)

Also drop:
- swearwords
- "Um"s (you're writing, you don't need to pause for thought)

And stick to what's actually going on. You can cut out 75% of your letter if you do that--and, people are more likely to read and respond to a short email than a long one.

Nobi did most of the work with dropping all the pointless references and other things you definitely didn't need. You can cut it down further by not trying to describe the conflict--the more you actually try to describe the "drama", the more you become a part of it. It's easier and quicker to lay out the facts and let people draw a conclusion.

I think you already took care of this, but this same idea should help with anything else you need to do communication-wise. How did it turn out, anyway? (I know, but you can let other folks on the boards know.) KF

[exigence]

wow you have a fish bowl at your school too. thats crazy

[Jenner]

I wrote a very nice letter thanks to the help posted by Nobi, and to a lesser extent Kizyr and sorted it out.

I pretty much told the guy I really do not have time to deal with this and do not want to be involved in it as long as the other wanna-be president was.

I really don't have time for it too.